It’s the last day of 2019.  The end of a decade.

I haven’t posted anything here since September.  That alone gives you a hint about how things have been going.

It’s been, to be honest, an abysmal failure.

This morning I weighed in at 308.7 pounds, so after seven months I’m .3 pounds lighter than when I started.  I look like shit. I feel like shit.  I’m so deeply disappointed.  But wait, there’s more.

My partner left in August.  I did not see it coming.  I was aware of some struggles in our relationship, but thought it was just the kind of stuff couples have, stuff you keep working on.  She saw it differently.  Now, for the second time in my life, I am working through the end of what I thought would be a lifelong relationship.

I tried, two different times this year, to write a book, and failed both times.  Did I mention that I was an English major in college?

(Sigh…)

There were some bright spots this year.  I did manage to go to Paris in 2019, which was a wonderful trip and something I’ll always be grateful for experiencing.  I also had the honor of performing at the National Guild of Hypnotists’ convention, which was a lot of fun, and well received by my peers.  I met a brother, in person, for the first time, who I didn’t even know existed until a couple of years ago.  I had a television appearance!

All in all, however, this year was really tough.  There was just too much time spent not doing what I know I can do.  Too much time not being the best version of myself.  There’s so much time in a year!  To have so much time, and now to have spent it all, and to feel like it didn’t produce anything of quality that’s representative of the time itself… it feels almost sinful, like I didn’t honor the gift of that time.  I understand that time is precious.  I know what a gift I have in this life.

Part of me wants to delete this whole post.  It’s such an unspoken taboo, in the profession I’m in, to admit that you’re struggling.  Hypnotists help people by coaching them and giving them strategies for success.  We’ve got the mantras and the models.  We’re supposed to have all the answers.  And yet I’m not the only fat hypnotist.

And there are hypnotists who smoke.

And hypnotists that drink too much.

And hypnotists that cheat on their spouses.

And, and, and…

Because hypnotists are human beings, and human beings struggle.  That’s okay.

Here’s the best news about 2019: it’s over.  We do love that feeling of having a clean slate, don’t we?  My clean slate has arrived, and I’m so very grateful, and I’m going to double down on ME in 2020.  How about you?  Is it time for you to do more, and have more, and live life at a level that’s better than ever?

2 replies
  1. Teresa J
    Teresa J says:

    Paul, this project is not a failure. You’ve lost a stick of butter. You’re still on the losing side! 😁

    You are a wonderful person. You wouldn’t be who you are if you didn’t have those challenges.

    All professions that help people have those that struggle. We are not alone, although some days it feels like it.

    I will be better personally and professionally than last year. And it starts with me – being mentally and physically stronger. It includes reading, exercising, improving my skills and adding new ones.

    I can’t wait to see how we crush 2020!

    Reply
  2. Paul Ramsay
    Paul Ramsay says:

    Thanks, Teresa. I guess it all depends on how you define failure. For me, it really is a failure, but I’m okay with that. I’m not stopping, and I’m learning from that failure. In fact, my next post is going to be all about failure. Stay tuned!

    Reply

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